The Book of Parentese – Chapter 7

Particularly relevant at Christmas!

Complaints and Lamentations

1. O my children, you are disobedient. For when I tell you what you must do, you argue and dispute hotly even to the littlest detail; and when I do not accede, you cry out, and hit and kick.
2. Yes, and even sometime do you spit, and shout “stupid-head” and other blasphemies, and hit and kick the wall and the skirting board thereof when you are sent to the corner.
3. And though the law teaches that no one shall be sent to the corner for more minutes than he has years of age, yet I would leave you there all day, so mighty am I in anger.
4. But upon being sent to the corner you ask straight-away, “Can I come out?” and I reply, “No, you may not come out.” And again you ask, and again I give the same reply. But when you ask again a third time, then you may come out.
5. Hear me, O my children, for the bills they kill me. I pay and pay again, even to the twelfth time in a year, and yet again they mount higher than before.
6. For I will come to you at the first of the month and at the fifteenth of the month with the bills and a great whining and moan.
7. And when the month of taxes comes, I will decry the wrong and unfairness of it, and mourn and rend my receipts.
8. And you shall remember that I am that I am before, after, and until you are eighteen.
9. Hear me then, and avoid me in my wrath, O children of me.

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