From Stephen, clearly a wannabe BMW owner, this little driving piece:
The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars. Firstly, I couldn’t believe that the flow of traffic DIDN’T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a tiny gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway! (The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.)
Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane. (Why do underlings use this lane? Surely everyone knows it is for BMW drivers only?). Anyway, once in the BMW lane and posing along at 110mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!
Naturally, I got to within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn’t be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out the way. Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me! He tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some Council house type, blue flashing lights hidden in his front grille. He urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car and driving skills.
Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew – my car goes fast! Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my licence to a Police Station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They’re not free either – they’re £20 each and I was only allowed 3). But the man at the Station said that as I drive a BMW, it won’t be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won’t even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!.
And whilst BMW drivers sit like teutonic lemmings in the outside lane, the aged and treacherous Jag owners undertake on the left.